Music Fail

So, I just had a rather frustrating half hour. This summer, one of those big overarching mega-things I've been wanting to do is learn guitar. My Uncle gave me a guitar (I know, right?) several years back and I basically never picked it up. This was not from non-interest - I think guitars are beautiful instruments and I envy people who can play well - I just never did it, basically. Learning a new instrument is complicated - so I've found out. A few weeks ago now, I had what a friend of mine would call a C2J (Come-to-Jesus) chat with my mom. I was distraught at the feeling that summer was ending soon (even sooner now, as I write this) and that I hadn't done any of those big overarching mega-things I had been saying I wanted to do. So, she encouraged me, even if I only had a few weeks left, to just do my best to do them. Guitar was high on this list.

So I took out my guitar, wrote it on my to do list, opened up GarageBand (a nifty Apple program that has a lesson section), found a pick, tuned the sucker, and started trying to play an E chord. FAIL. My fingers were numb for a week and all I managed were a few dissident noises. But, even though I didn't practice again for a few days, I still had hope and interest. I was doing this now - I was going to magically teach myself guitar in the last few weeks of summer. I came back from the mountains this weekend, I practiced E chord again, started messing with G and C and... nothing. The cords were still a buzzing, thumping, music-less mess while the weird guy from the GarageBand lessons seemed to act like it was a piece of cake. (Side-note, where does that expression come from? It doesn't make a lot of sense). My fingers still hurt excruciatingly after a few seconds of holding a chord down... yada yada. So, here's today, attempting to have at it again, and, I just can't do it. I know you have to build up calluses and practice and ALL THAT, but that seems to be advise for when you can touch the damn strings for more than a few seconds without causing permanent nerve damage! I just don't get how to BEGIN!

So, in a fit of frustration at the GUITAR itself, I sat down to play piano. For many years (now long ago), I took piano lessons, learned songs, had little practice schedules (which I rarely followed), etc... But it fell by the wayside in the latter years of high school. What I've realized recently is that I really love the piano - I love playing it (especially since I tend to only play MY kind of music - sondtracks) and I love the way it sounds. Thus, when I got out my favorite song, (which I never fully learned), "My Heart Will Go On," I guess I was hoping to be cheered up in some sort of "SEE, YOU CAN STILL MAKE BEATUFIUL MUSIC" kind of way. Not so much. I can barely even read music anymore! I barely remember where the basic C octaves that you look for, what the song is supposed to sound like, and a few parts that I practiced ridiculous numbers of times. I'm sure if I picked up any of the other songs I had actually mastered, my fate would be just as grim. I can't play the piano anymore! And, more importantly, I want to be able to!

I'm in a great situation. I have two instruments I want to learn and fail at, and 3 real days left of summer (HOLY GOD!!!) I realize this is a rather spastic blog post but, I guess I'm sending this out into the universe to ask for... help? Advice? I'm leaving home (and my piano) behind, and I'll shortly be living in close quarters where guitar practice would probably be unwelcome... But despite all that, I don't quite want to give this up for a lost cause until next summer. Lessons, especially for guitar, sound like an obvious option, but I have a nagging doubt that I won't be able to fix it. What do I do?! I could mess around with reading music to get some piano skills back and maybe try to get in some time in music rooms (if the music school has open ones)... But, GAH, I just feel stuck between my desire to get a bit of music in my life and my apparent inability to do so.

Yeah, right, that's it from me for now. Cheers.

I'm watching you watching me

I'm here today on a bit of a different topic. This is part of my larger goal of blogging more often and discussing a wider variety of subjects. This time, I'd like to tell you about Taking Leave, a new CD from DFTBA Records.

I'm going to admit I'm writing this review with a goal in mind - one of the CD's creators is giving out an EP of alternate versions of the tracks in exchange for a text or video review, but I'm also going to enjoy the challenge about writing about music, something I haven't done before.

Taking Leave is the result of a collaboration between Alan Lastufka and Tom Milson, two individuals who are, for lack of a better word, "webelebrities." Both are well known for highly popular YouTube channels and important ties to the generally awesome online communities. Tom is someone who I haven't followed for very long, but who has a CD of his own that I enjoy (entitled "Awkward Ballads for the Easily Amused"). Alan is a bit of an incredible shadow, one of the founders of DFTBA records, and a creative master who not only creates his own videos, but has a published book on being successful on YouTube. Incredibly, the CD was created without Alan and Tom ever meeting in person. (The miracle of the internet nowadays, right?) As I understand it, Alan was responsible for the lyrics and production of the CD, while Tom provided vocals and mixed the music.

In all, I bought the CD not knowing what I was getting into other than an interesting creative work by two artists that I admire, that deserved some of my support. The CD is short, with 6 tracks wrapping up in just over 15 minutes, but when you really sit and listen to the songs, they take you somewhere. Each track is different, in mood, sound, story, and even vocal style (Kristina Horner joins in for the 4th track). It's easy to listen to while working, yet it can also hold your attention. It's somber and beautiful, yet still carries the trait that I associate with nerdfighters, and the online world in general: ingenuity. Taking Leave stands out as not just a CD but a work of art.

Like all great works of art, I think Taking Leave is subject to your own interpretation. This is summarized by the artwork on the CD cover. What do you see in the red trees and turquoise hills? In the box and forlorn arm? In the fallen flower petals? Is it a happy image? Do you see heartbreak? This is probably different for each individual. Meanwhile, the tracks themselves are clearly composed of two separate components: lyrics and music. True, these pieces come together easily, but perhaps because there were two creators, these elements can also be separated.

The first note of "Just a Boy" jumps out at you, before the song begins. In my mind, this track tells a clear story, more so than the others, and is more wrought with emotional distress. It tells the tale of a boy fighting the nature of his father and adulthood in general, only to grow up and be reduced to the same level - to be "brought down" in the end. It's a strong and troubled voice and introduces the theme of mirrors: "I will never forget the day / looked in the mirror and was filled with grief, / when I saw my father's face staring back at me." As my dad is a therapist, this song resonates with the numerous people who attempted to outgrow their childhoods, only to be haunted by them for the rest of their days.

"The Wind" is one of my favorite tracks. It's much more upbeat than the others on the CD, and seems more hopeful than the others. I like the use of the wind as a metaphor for life and love. Clearly in life, we all "want to fly," but how many times have we found the "winds of change" ended up directing us, "[taking] us by surprise"? The emotions of this song are sweet, yet still bearing the strong pull of reality.

I first heard "Can't" from the music video Alan posted on his channel, so I can't help but associate it with the images in that video. This is one of the best songs I've heard about heartbreak. "His edited heart was her favorite work of art" is a poetic line that I continue to ponder. I think it is because we're overly exposed the stereotype of the macho man with fear of commitment, ending a relationship, that it's refreshing to hear the story of a sad boy tied up in the "relationship games" of the girl who rules this song.

"The Mirror Song" is definitely my favorite on the CD. Tom and Kristina's voices together are stunningly beautiful, and the line "I'm watching you watching me" has been in my head for days. There are just so many images in this song that resonate with me, so many emotions that tug my heartstrings. The sweet piano is simple. The song's key line, "I'd forgotten how happy we looked," fits with the story of the song, within a relationship, but it also speaks to a key philosophy I'm attempting to follow in life: never forget happiness, continue to look for it around you.

I'm curious as to why "The Sparks Fly Upward" was include on the CD. It's a beautiful track - a solemnly spoken set of lines from the bible (I think), read by John Green and accompanied by (unless I'm mistaken) organ music. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful passage, one worth re-reading (or listening to) and pondering. It's classic John Green - I can almost hear him talking about it on an afternoon Ustream... But I definitely wonder what significance it holds to Alan, Tom, or to their idea for this CD.

What I do like about that track is how it leads into the final song, "Forgiven." It's as if the declaration that "man is born for trouble, as the sparks fly upward" is the revelation that leads to the image-heavy and religiously significant track. It allows it to exist, and the tracks, musically, flow together nicely. This is one of my favorite songs in terms of Tom's singing. The long words at the end of each line "Haaands" "heeeart" play into his melodious voice.

In all, I'm not a music connoisseur, but this is now a permanent addition to my music collection and one I appreciate immensely.If what I've been talking to sounds interesting to you, the CD can be found here.

P.S. Alan, I hope you liked this review!

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On an unrelated note, I wanted to quickly share this link with you. Perhaps you've recently read a highly exciting novel entitled Hunger Games (by Suzanne Collins) and are dying for the sequel Catching Fire, which is not released until September. The link above leads to a contest in which you can enter to receive an advance copy of the book.